Home Correction letter Sore Winner: A Second Letter (of Hate) to the State of Oklahoma

Sore Winner: A Second Letter (of Hate) to the State of Oklahoma

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“I came here to chew gum and kick ass. And I’m out of gum.”

–“Rowdy” Roddy Piper

Vomiting,

I write this as a necessary correction to my earlier “dear adversary” letter, not knowing any better, referring to our relationship as a “relatively friendly rivalry”. I even went so far as to suggest that we like you.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

Consider me a bad judge of character.

As widely discussed on social media and experienced by quite a few members of the Horned Frog crowd, you had the temerity to engage in your stupid, onanistic chanting (look it up, Philistines!) During an injury timeout.

Twice.

One of Frog’s online loyalists rightly called you “trash.” Another used a four-letter expletive (look at it!) I won’t record it here for fear it might give people like you encouragement.

The stupid have never been prone to irony.

The first time, I was inclined to forgiveness. It was entirely possible, I thought, you just weren’t aware a man was down and gave yourself up to the momentum and spirit of the game, even tactlessly. Understandable. Raw. But none of us are perfect.

Then you did it again.

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So, on behalf of all of Frogdom, I’d like to say, unequivocally, unequivocally (look at it!): you suck. And you blow. You suck and blow at the same time; you should try your hand at the saxophone because you’ll have the circular breathing technique in no time. You would put Kenny G out of business. And probably find a way to play worse music.

The last ten minutes of this match must have been excruciating. I hope they were. You see, you read the words of a man who openly advocated direct targeting of opposing quarterbacks as a wise winning strategy – and suggested all the ways to avoid shooting them. But consider this: I’m a satirist, it’s my job once in a while to be funny, and on top of that, I call myself an idiot when it comes to all things sports. And in relation to that, being an idiot and a satirist, to the depths of my most sadistic inclinations, I would never have considered, or even dreamed of, indulging in a chant when a player from the other team was hurt.

So, I’m a clown, and in the service of jokes, I couldn’t conceive of one as mean as you showed yourselves.

I hope you will make a very calm and sad return to Oklahoma, where you belong. Unfortunately, judging by the orange shirts that populated the Joe Ts after the game, shame, soul-searching, soul-searching and basic decency seem as alien to your nature as magnanimity (look at it!) as you have not manifested by winning. Please allow me the joy of gloating once again that we kicked your ass.

I believe my exact words when the family sat down to dinner were, “As heinous as they are after a loss, can you imagine what they would have been like had they won?”

To which I received a silent nod from the father.

Think of this as a giant middle finger. And good luck with that stupid mascot that looks like a fingerpaint from America’s Most Wanted—Sex Offenders Edition.

Good riddance.

With contempt !

Tyler Mother-Lovin Brown

PS, I hope you lose against all the Big 12 teams; you’re only allowed to beat Baylor and UT, and frankly, even with them, it’s a draw. I’ll be waiting for that $10,000,000 you owe me.


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